August 19, 2017

Bundesliga fanatic exclusive: Angela Merkel worried about Bayern’s dominance

Many Bundesliga fans have been annoyed by Bayern München’s dominance in the domestic league over the last couple of seasons. The Bundesliga Fanatic can now exclusively reveal that Angela Merkel is one of them. Dispatches from the NSA files which Edward Snowden had leaked have been recently obtained by the Bundesliga Fanatic. The files clearly show that Merkel fears Germans are going to turn their back on the Bundesliga due to the gap between Bayern and the rest of the league. The files also reveal that the German chancellor had scheduled no fewer than 45 phone calls with political advisers discussing the matter.

An aide close to the chancellor, who asked to remain anonymous, told Bundesliga Fanatic:

Frau Merkel has managed to cut social benefits for a number of years now. The public wasn’t bothered by that too much, because their interests were elsewhere. Dortmund’s fantastic performance in the Champions League last season and Bayern’s self-destructive tendencies before Jupp Heynckes arrived were the talk of the nation, distracting the public from what was going on in the world of politics. Germany is now on its way to a balanced national budget. Few questions have been asked in regards of how financial secretary Wolfgang Schäuble and Angela Merkel have managed to do that, and the two of them are keen to keep it that way!

The aide also told the Fanatic that the circumstances of the day-to-day business in the Bundesliga have been helping the chancellor in keeping a low political profile, despite Bayern’s dominance in the league:

Uli Hoeness going to jail has steered the attention away from the day-to-day business of politics, but once Herr Hoeness has been locked up the German public is going to pay a limited amount of attention to his case.

As luck would have it for Merkel, the World Cup in Brazil is right around the corner. The Christian Democrat Merkel and her counterparts from the Social Democrats are planning to use the World Cup as another distraction according to a party official who spoke to the Bundesliga fanatic on the condition of remaining unnamed:

If the German national team does well in Brazil, we might be able to continue as before for some time, as Frau Merkel likes to bathe in the glory of the national team, and the national media is very happy to soak up every word she says about the team’s performance. The national team has been worth its weight in gold in terms of helping Frau Merkel to distract the public from her politics. However, it is absolutely vital for the chancellor that Bayern’s dominant streak is broken next season.

Meeting between Andreas Rettig and Angela Merkel

Chancellor Merkel’s concern was sparked by the decrease in attendance numbers according to several sources in the Christian Democratic Party. The 50+1 model might be at stake if fewer and fewer were to participate in what currently is still the most popular sport in Germany according to the nightmare scenario drawn up by party officials.

DFL manager Andreas Rettig has been invited to the Chancellor’s offices to discuss how Bayern’s dominant streak can be broken according to well-informed sources in Berlin. The DFL has been asked to come up with actionable plans which could be employed ahead of the new season. So far, the DFL has held a number of meetings without having reached a conclusion on what they possibly could do to make the Bundesliga more entertaining and closely contested.

Frau Merkel was bitterly disappointed when she was informed that her preliminary ideas couldn’t be put into action. The DFL informed her that they couldn’t use methods from other sports to help her cause. Both limiting the amount of touches allowed in the opponent’s half and enacting the 24-second shot clock rule known from the world of basketball were measures Frau Merkel wanted to employ to break Bayern’s dominance. It stands to be seen whether Andreas Rettig and Merkel will be able to come up with a plan which could work. A lot is at stake for Angela Merkel; after all, if Bayern’s dominant streak continues, the public might start to take an interest in her policies and form opinions about them.

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Niklas Wildhagen

Niklas is a 30-year-old football writer and podcaster who has been following the Bundesliga and German football since the early 90s. You can follow him on Twitter, @normusings, and listen to his opinions on @TalkingFussball and on the @AufstiegPod.

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