7 Days in the life of Hamburger SV

Not content with losing his rucksack and potentially embarrassing details emerging, Hamburg Director of Football Peter Knäbel has now left his diary lying around for the Bundesliga Fanatic to peruse through. The last seven days make interesting reading……

Saturday 8th August 2015

Almost something to smile about. Fed up with the doom and gloom surrounding HSV at the moment, it looked at one stage like those Green freaks from down the road were set to get eliminated from the Cup. But, no the Skripniker’s boys turned it around in extra-time. Oh, well our turn to show ‘em how it’s done tomorrow.

Sunday 9th August 2015

#@$*! @#&$!! and *****!!! What the hell was that? Of all the teams to fall in the first round of the Cup, why oh why the hell did it have to be us? Having travelled all the way down the A7 into deepest Thuringia, we then had to travel all the way back knowing the rest of Germany would be laughing at us (once again).

When Gregoritsch dug us out of a massive hole with a late equaliser to set up extra-time, I thought we’d spared our blushes, but no. What the hell was Adler bloody playing at with that first goal- muppet.

Monday 10th August 2015

Oops! The missing Rucksack has turned up. I didn’t find it though, a geriatric nurse did. No, not an exceedingly old nurse, but a nurse for geriatric people- you know the sort of doddery old buggers who leave valuable things just lying around and forget things. Seems she found it in a park. Did I even go to the park? Is that you Hilda? No, I’m sure I didn’t.

Anyway it’s back now and the secrets of Emir Spahic’s contract are safe. At least the Bild newspaper didn’t find out about the clause that let’s anyone the hell he likes into the dressing room area whenever the hell Emir likes. What Emir wants, Emir gets- you understand? I value my jaw in one piece and we’re having to pay the stewards danger money and put them through self-defence classes.

Tuesday 11th August 2015

I knew this ‘Design the Team Bus’ competition was a stupid idea. Travel company MAN put it to me a while back when I was still very hungover from the play-off win at Duisburg. What was I thinking? Seems quite a few fans don’t share my optimism that we’ll be challenging for Europe this season.

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Wednesday 12th August 2015

While the other Bundesliga sides have been spending money to improve their squads and training ahead of the new season, we’ve hit on a different approach to bring success- shake hands with a chimney sweep. Bayern may have Vidal and Costa in their ranks on Friday, but have they had the sooty palm of a chimney cleaner to shake this week? I think not. Blue sky thinking. Advantage HSV.

Thursday 13th August 2015

Meeting with Bruno to discuss the formation for the Bayern game tomorrow. The 8-0 from last season is old news, but just to be on the safe side, I’ve suggested a cautious approach.

Friday 14th August 2015

@Allianz Arena 22:30

Well that escalated quickly!

Crisis? What crisis?

! For legal reasons, it must be stated that this diary is purely fictional.

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Mathew Burt

A year spent living in Bremen got Mathew hooked on the Bundesliga with regular visits to the Weser Stadion getting in the way of his studies. Back in the UK now, he still keenly follows the Grün-Weißen and German football in general. Follow him on Twitter @matburt74.